16. What's the thing you've wanted to do but haven't yet?

This is a tough question for me because it's both broad and limiting at the same time.  Broad because it could almost cover anything from something fun and care free to something serious and personal.  It's limiting because I have to pick THE thing.  I guess that's good though too because it requires careful consideration of the answer I wish to give.

The thing I've wanted to do but haven't is something I've talked about here before and spoken to Carlyn about several times, as well as some family members and that's make a concerted effort in my job search.  The problems that I have which have prevented me from doing so include, the comfort and security of being in something I know.   The fear or insecurity of starting at a new place where I have no time vested, no connections and little to no experience.  Laziness.  The desire to come home and spend my free time doing something more enjoyable than a job search.  The fact that because of my computer issues I need to go elsewhere to update my resume and have the ability to send it out to places electronically.  I can use obstacles as easy excuses to not do it.

I also don't have a good or clear idea about what I'd like to go to.   What I might have a passion for.  There's a bit of a feeling that my desire to find a new job revolves more around the desire to get away from where I am now as oppossed to the desire to go to something else.  I worry about how I'm supposed to come off as excited or eager to go somewhere else when my drive is more motivated by what I am hoping to get away from.

I guess the easy answer is that finding a new job is not something I want to do.  So how do I turn it into the thing I want to do?  And not just make it something that I will eventually be compelled to do once I reach the end of my rope with where I am now?

Some things I want in a new job not in order of preference:

1.  Either a job where I can focus on my job and not have to worry about management of others OR where if I have to worry about the management of others I have some say on the others who work with/for me.

2.  A job where the people are invested in working together and helping eachother.  Where you can give thanks and also feel appreciated for what you do.

3.  I would like to occassionally travel.  Get out of the typical work space and experience something new and challenging that I can face with creativity and excitement, rather than being in the same mudane spot all the time.

4.  I know I mentioned that there is a fear in learning something new and a comfort in knowing what you do.  I would like a job though that has a balance between that learning and comfort.  Maybe I'm asking for everything here, but it would cool to have a comfortable environment that challenges me to learn things and use the things I've learned.  I don't want an overwhelming pressure or stress of failure.  But I want the pressure that comes with a creative pursuit.

5.  I would like a job that gives me the financial security I desire, which is the ability to pay off all my college loans and pay for all my living expenses while being able to save towards the dream of owning my own home.  To have the vision of my own home be tangible and reachable and not just seem like some dream I have no plan for and no hope for reaching other than by dumb luck.

So perhaps this post is getting off track relative to the initial question, but the exercise I've started is one I'd like to continue.  I want to better understand the things that motivate me.  Both the things I want and absolutely wish to avoid.  Decisions and concessions will have to be made.  I don't think any job fits into an exact cozy picture of my personal preferences or desires.  I would like to find a job though where I see myself going forward though, personally and professionally and not just standing still.

I realize I have to figure some things out so that come this time next year I can have a different answer to this question.  One that I don't internalize to the point where I make it personally imposing. 

ON a side note: I've updated my blog challenge post which required me to post old pictures of myself with a few older photos.  So on a good note, that's something I wanted to do and have done.  =)